I've always known waves of grief can consume one unexpectedly, and I've had enough experience in my life to know intense saddness can come and go at any given moment following the departure of a beloved one. Today I'm having one of those moments, and I'm having a hard time holding back the tears. I miss my Daddy.
As I was driving onto campus this morning, patches of luscious, bright, happy daffodils greeted me. Daddy and I always talked about what was happening in nature, and my immediate thought was to call him to share the incredible beauty of the morning. I can talk to Papa in my mind-- that's for sure. But today, I'd like to hear his voice. I'd like to hear his chuckle when I'd tell him about my kittens' antics as they played with some turkey feathers I tied onto one of his old fishing poles last night. I'd like to ask him why the crows never come when I use his crow call. (They ALWAYS came when he called them in. Do they know it's not his "voice" behind the calls? ) I'd like to hear "I love you, sweetheart" when we finished our conversation.
I am grateful, almost joyful, Daddy's no longer suffering in a body that had become consumed by Parkinson's Disease. I am grateful he is at peace. I am grateful we had so many good talks before his passage.
But today, I sure would like to hold his hand, hear his voice, fetch him a couple of Milky Ways, and rub his sweet bald head. I miss him so......