Tuesday, April 18, 2006
BREAKING NEWS FROM THE FARM!!
Convinced that the citizens of this great nation are "chompin' at the bit" and ready for a change, Ms. Potato Head officially tossed her newly purchased blue plastic hat into the ring and declared herself a candidate for the presidency of the United States. During a press conference held this afternoon at The Farm, Ms. PH confidently proclaimed," Citizens of this country are ready for a woman at the helm. There will be nothing "polyester" about my campaign." With an "I embrace all" gesture, she promised to be the candidate of all Americans, plastic or not.
When asked what she considered the most pressing issue facing our country at the moment, "Sweet Tater" (as she is often called) capitalized on current political rumblings and replied, "Dumpin' Donald Rumsfeld! That guy's gotta go!" And when asked who she would appoint as his replacement, she replied," Someone competent...Someone like Inspecteur Jacques Clousseau. I've known Clousseau for years, and I have total faith in his ability to find a solution to the mess that Rummie and crew have created."
When pressed further, Ms. PH also expressed her disgust with current V-P Dick Cheney, stating "He'd be a close second to getting the boot if I were in charge." She did not, however, go so far as to suggest an immediate replacement for Cheney, but sources close to her campaign were quoted as saying Ms. PH has been most impressed with Elmer Fudd in recent political strategy meetings. Ms. PH withheld commentary on President George Bush for the moment.
Several folks who attended the press conference expressed pleasure with the new look that Ms. Potato Head could bring to the D.C. scene. "Ya gotta love those lips!" stated an anonymous passerby.