BY THE SEA, BY THE SEA, BY THE BEAUTIFUL SEA....

is where Samuel, Eliza, Joe Davis, Bobbi, Isabella, and I will find ourselves for the next week.
Ahhhhhhhhh............................................

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, PAPA

Life for my father has never been really easy, I don't think. The oldest of 10 children, he was so sick as a child that at one point, the doctor thought he would die from a sustained, dangerously high fever. As a young boy growing up during the Depression, while the other kids played, he spent his days deep in the woods way back up in the mountains where he hunted for game so his family would have some meat on the table. A very domineering father who did the sort of thing like punishing children for laughing made it such that Papa had a hard time feeling free and light-spirited throughout his life. And then as a young man, Papa joined the Army, became a well-respected sniper, served with the 1st Armed Division in Northern Africa, and ended up in the middle, literally, of the Battle at Anzio, one of the bloodiest scenarios of WW II. He has told me that he thought he would surely die there as he watched so many others around him fall.

My mom tells me that Papa was never the same person after his experiences in the war. Prior to going overseas, he was a freer guy who would do things adventuresome things, like ski and ice skate. Afterwards, he was more somber, had a harder time finding happiness, and frequently would wake up in the middle of the night in a horrifying dream. He became critical, hard on us kids, and difficult to live with sometimes. Today, I would say that he was the classic case of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, but back then, no one talked about those sort of things, and war veterans could only seek sollace in each other, I suppose. Understanding my father on that level opens up huge compassion for him in my heart.

As a child, I remember my friends were afraid of my father because he was ill-humored and very strict all the time, the essence of what his father had been to him and his siblings. Although I don't recall my father striking me a lot, I do recall lots of really mean tongue lashings and threats that frightened me and made me want to crawl away to a safe place. To this day, I don't like to have my picture taken because I have memories of his nastiness when he thought I was "posing" or being silly in front of the camera. His love was a hard love, especially when he felt bad on the inside himself. Communication on any level, with his kids or his wife, was not his thing, and he did what he pleased, whether or not it was convenient for us, Mom, or anyone else in the world. He was happiest when he was out hunting or fishing from dawn until dark with his friends, Bynum or Conley.

Papa joined the faculty of Appalachian State University after he finished his MA degree there shortly after I was born. His career as the Acquisitions Librarian for the university lasted until he had to retire. In his early 50's, Papa was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease, and he has lived the last 32 years with a condition that has progressively emaciated his body and taken away his ability to walk and care for himself. My mom now cares for him 24 hours a day, sometimes getting up with him as many as 17 times a night to attend to his needs.

When I was talking to Mom the other day, I commented that I really have to search my memory bank to come up with an image of a healthy Papa in my mind. I am amazed at how our family's life has been so defined by his health and temper. When I called Papa for Father's Day yesterday, I could hardly understand him on the phone because of the constant convulsive state of his tremors. (Our family term for his incessant movement is "flailing.") So, I spent a good deal of late yesterday afternoon and evening alone here at The Farm, meditating on my father and trying to faccess memories I have of him as healthy and active. It was a good time spent because I was able to move past the frail and sickly mental photos I hold of him and see him vividly as a younger, healthy man in my mind.

I saw him...

~laughing with me as he picked me up by the love handles on around my tummy when I was little.

~ hiding me in a rhododendron thicket one Saturday morning when he was crow hunting and listening to him call in the crows with his crow call. (I can see him off to my left with the call in his mouth and his gun ready to shoot. I was amazed at how the crows came, and I recall seeing more than a few of them hit the ground. I decided then that I would not shoot anything, but I would learn to use the crow call....And, here on the farm, I get out Papa's crow call every once in a while to see if I can come close to his success in getting them to come check me out. So far, I have not. )

~ taking a power nap in the driver's seat of the red and white 1949 Ford station wagon once he'd come home from work. He always rested his head in his left hand that was propped by the window.

~taking me to work with him early in the morning and spending an hour in the college library witih me before I had to go to school. I can see him standing behind the check-out desk, handing me books to go put back in the stacks. I loved being down in the stacks of books...It was a magical hideaway for me.

~throwing the baseball with me almost every afternoon when he'd come home from work. As a boy, Papa was quite an excellent pitcher, and he taught me to play like a boy. I can the ball coming at me really fast, and I remember thinking "WOW...this one's gonna sting through my glove," catching it, and feeling really proud of myself. I also remember a couple of times when he'd throw so hard, the force of the ball would knock me over. And, I can hear him telling me to lock my eyes on the balls I missed as I was running after them before they bounced into the woods.

~ with delight on his face when I spotted a groundhog in a field before he did.

~in the fishing boat at Watauga lake, sitting back by the motor. I can vividly see him casting out over and over and finally reeling in a couple of big fish. I can feel him behind me as I was bringing in my first catch --he wanted to make sure I didn't lose it.

~ running the rototiller in the garden at Roaring Fork.

~playing fetch with Nickles, our beloved family dog. Nick loved Papa, and Papa loved Nick.

~watching him work with his English Setters, teaching them to bring back the grouse he killed.

~ right by my side the first couple of times I dressed the game brought home for us to eat. He and I alway inspected what was in the grouse's gizzards, and one time, I remember we found fermented blackberries that smelled like wine in the grouse's craw.

~with tears in his eyes at the death of his favorite bird dog.

~looking into my eyes as he walked with me up to the big oak tree where Sam and I were married.

~holding Samuel for the first time.

~telling me that a little girl had come to him and called him "Papa." This was right before Eliza was born.

There are also two things that always bring my father's voice to me. I can close my eyes and hear his voice as he blesses the food on the table, a blessing that has never changed over the years: "Our Father, we thank you for this day, this food, and our many blessings. Amen." (On a couple of occasions he has added "our friends" to his grace.)

And when I leave Boone to come home or when I say goodbye to him on the phone, he unfailingly says, "I love you, sweetheart." Every time I hear those words, they melt my heart.

Today I give thanks for my dad. As cantankerous and grumpy as he can be, I love my dad with all my heart. I give thanks for this day and for the many, many blessings I have known in my life with Papa.

Namasté...

SUMMER VEE-CATION IS HERE !!!!!

Finally, finally, I can officially announce that I'm done for the 2006-2007 academic school year!! After returning from San Antonio on Sunday, I returned to school for two days of rather meaningless "in-service" days. Fatigue from the week in SA along with the adjustment from total immersion into the world of latino life posed some challenges for me. With the two days of office time now behind me, I can begin to settle in for the summer...WHHOOPPEE !!!!!

Despite a severe drought that has the grass as brown and crunchy as it normally is at the end of August, flora and fauna around the farm are doing well (as my water bill can attest). I don't have anything at the moment in spectacular bloom since I started all my flowers from seed this year, but I anticipate lots of color and flowers in the next couple of weeks. When the lilies, gladiolas, zinnias, sunflowers, daturas, and dahlias open, I'll be a very happy camper!!!

I'm enjoying lots of good lettuce, spinach, kale, collards, and onions from the upper beds. The garden below the barn is catching hold despite its tremendous thirst for at least three or more good days of soaking rain. There are grapes on the grapevines (Yeah! My pruning efforts have paid off!), and little tiny peppers are forming on the pepper plants. I know that I will not be able to take care of the quantity of veggies that my beds and garden could potentially produce, but the real pleasure for me is to get my hands in the Earth, my feet good and dirty, and my body slathered in a good, farm-smell producing sweat. Weeding the corn and bean rows this morning felt really therapeutic!

I'll be posting lots of photos of farm progress as soon as I get to the camera. For now, I'm off to my acupuncture treatment and then I might just come home and take it easy! After all, as Eliza used to always announce, "I'm on vee-cation!!"

Cheerio...

GREETINGS FROM SAN ANTONIO...

~where tropical flowers are in full bloom although the heat is suffocating...
~where I haven't spoken Spanish since I arrived...
~where I'm surrounded by my Cuban and other Spanish-spaking friends...
~where I sit with headsets over my ears all day and listen to high school students attempt to utilize every advanced structure in Spanish they've ever been taught in a matter of 2 minutes...
~where the food is GREAT and impossible to turn down...
~where folks sing and dance and tell jokes and laugh a LOT....
~where the latinas wear super tight pants and tops that keep the latinos panting...
~where the night life remains vibrantly alive past 10PM !!...
~where the margaritas are the tastiest in the country....

AND

~where the tackiest soap opera in the world comes on at 8PM every night....

IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE!